Dear Audrey,
I am sad. I am lonely. I am mad. I am confused. I am stuck. It feels like theres a huge black onyx stone lodged into my heart. I keep thinking I've hit rock bottom but it feels like every time i began to stand up, this "rock bottom" has a false ground and I fall through to a lower level.
So many things have happened! I've gotten so close to going upward that I've seemed to fall through into a pit and now I need to find out how to get out. My nana died. My [grand] Mom died. I've been without transportation. I'm renting out a room from my college program friends. I'm still not in school. I'm still single. All my friends live too far out of reach and my one best friend who's accessible is caught up in her own maze to even help me. I'm literally stuck.
I've been putting this one song on repeat for almost a week now.
Florence + The Machine's "Never let me go"
"And it's breaking over me,
a thousand miles onto the sea bed
found a place to rest my head...
..And the arms of the ocean are carrying me
and all this emotion was rushing out of me
and the crashes are heaven; for a sinner like me.
Let the arms of the ocean deliver me.."
Every time I listen to this song.. I just want to lay down so perfectly still.. I want to lay in the middle of ocean floor, and just fall asleep.. not sure if I'd wake up or not.. but just sleep. I've never felt such carelessness when waking up. Like there's no point to the day. Idk, I just feel tragically lonely and like I serve no purpose..
I feel useless..
~BaD
No comments:
Post a Comment